Tag Archives: Improvement
Imagine you were told you have 30 days to live. How would this change you?
Would you begin to live life differently? Would your overall perspective change?
The idea of living like you’re dying can be an eye opening consideration. It would influence who you spend time with, what you spend time doing, and what you view to be truly important. It would provide a chance to see the crystal clear truth about what your life is all about.
When we rely on others for certain things, we often end up hurt and disappointed. Not always because others intentionally let us down, but sometimes because they simply cannot fulfill our desires. On the other hand, when we do not rely on others we often end up feeling very alone and lacking a place in our life that I call community. As humans we naturally crave connectivity to other humans, when we are in solitude for long periods it can literally feel unnatural and we lack community with those around us.
I have learned to discern what I should and should not rely on others for. Now that I have, there is much more freedom to appreciate others for what they can and cannot give me. And I now know what must come from within my own self. In the past it was very black and white. I had unrealistic expectations of others and was often disappointed and hurt when I should have realized others were not responsible for my happiness. On the other hand, I would often avoid relying on others so I did not have to be disappointed and that made me feel very alone.
Choosing between black and white scenarios is a deceptive way of ‘thinking’ we have control. We ‘think’ we know the outcome and can control our feelings and reactions. What really happens is that we sell ourselves short of being free to rely on ourselves and others. I have learned:
I never rely on others for;
- my happiness
- my peace of mind
- my responsibilities to be fulfilled
- my feeling joy
- complete understanding and agreement about who I am
- 100% commitment or follow thru
I always rely on others for;
When we remember that ‘always’ and ‘never’ are subjective words, we know that there are exceptions to the rules. When we learn to be flexible and open to both our expectations of ourself and others, we can feel at ease. Living life without a constant feeling of disappointment in myself and those around me, helps me to appreciate the good things and celebrate each day joyfully. I find I have many good relationships with friends, family and colleagues simply because I can always and never rely on them!
How can you learn to never and always rely on others?
- Think about the times you were disappointed with others over something that is your own responsibility
- Seek out those around you that engage in community; connecting, supporting and encouraging via communication and learn to rely on them
- Realize that just like you, we all have times that we cannot be 100% committed to each other or completely understand one another
- Think about ways you have successfully relied on your own ability to be happy
“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.” – Thomas Edison
Your subconscious loves to do work while your body performs other tasks that are easy. I can prove this very easily by asking you how many good ideas you have had while driving or in the shower. When you are relaxed yet slightly distracted, your mind is often at its best.
Using subconscious requests will…
- Improve your motivation.
- Help you become happier.
- Increase your emotional intelligence.
You’ll see improvement in less than a month.
My last request was…
“Please give me more patience when commuting to work and allow me to even enjoy my time in the car.”
Within a month I was enjoying my ride to work.
My latest request is…
“Let’s find creative ways to grow my blog.”
I took this approach because it’s going to take a request to my subconscious and action in my waking life to make this happen. This request is only a few days old, but it’s already working. Instead of just asking people to help vote for my blog on social sites that rate articles such as Stumble Upon and Digg, I’ve change my communication. I now friend someone, give a compliment (only if they are worthy) and tell them that they ever need any help to shoot me a message. They are much more willing to help me out.
My mindset is changing by setting my subconscious on a certain issue. I start to see new angles that I’ve never seen before. This subconscious request works for personal issues as well as work related concerns.
The 3 step request only takes five minutes:
Step 1: Before you turn out the light, close your eyes and take one minute to make a request to your subconscious. It can be anything. I would start small and make it open ended. I wouldn’t request to be an astronaut by the end of the month. Your subconscious is good, but not that good.
Step 2: Take two minutes to visualize yourself actually able to do this thing. Whether it is getting the motivation to jog before work or eating a healthy snack, you must visualize yourself doing the request that you asked your subconscious. Let’s say you want to jog before work: imagine yourself getting up a few minutes earlier than usual, putting on your exercise clothes and jogging shoes, and heading out into the crisp air. Then you start jogging, watching the sun rise over the buildings, the birds chirping, and you are feeling good.
Step 3: Take two minutes to imagine the feeling that will occur when you are able to accomplish this new thing. How do you feel when you walk back in your front door after a morning jog? Energized? Whatever feeling you want to achieves imagine that you have already created this emotion inside of yourself. Let it sink in, then go to sleep and let your subconscious do the rest of the work.
Your subconscious mind wants to help you improve your life; you just have to trust its vast resources and allow it to do its thing.
Only the time and attention we give ourselves demonstrates how much we love and admire ourselves. Self love requires that we place ourselves at the top of our priority list.
Self-nurturing is everything that makes us feel positive, happy and joyful.
When we decide to honor ourselves with the love we need and deserve like the sun we radiate a glow, touching everything and everyone in our lives.
Below are 60 ideas for glowing:
60. Eliminate shoulds.
59. Enjoy down time.
58. Run towards your fears.
57. Be dependable.
56. Embrace self-responsibility.
55. Be completely honest.
54. First meet your own needs.
53. Notice the beauty around you.
52. Open your mind to change.
50. Set attainable goals.
49. Go at your own pace.
48. Honor your individuality.
47. Open yourself to umlimited possibilities.
46. See the humor in things.
45. Celebrate your imperfections.
44. Reward yourself.
43. Be flexible.
42. Be gentle with yourself.
41. Be open to being wrong.
40. Laugh for no reason.
39. Light candles.
38. Enjoy nature.
37. Get a message.
36. Congratulate yourself.
35. Know yourself.
34. Appreciate where you are today.
33. Give yourself space.
32. Breathe mindfully.
31. Communicate your emotions.
30. Learn to relax.
28. Say no more often.
27. Experience new things.
26. Take mini breaks throughout the day.
25. Create personal affirmation cards, use daily.
24. Hang out with positively happy people.
23. Schedule fun times for yourself.
22. Make your car a sanctuary.
21. Dress for success.
20. Be impecably groomed.
19. Balance your energy.
18. Recharge your batteries.
17. Refuse to argue.
16. Balance your diet.
15. Sleep sound.
13. Feel and express gratitude.
12. Give up self put-downs.
11. Develop your intuition.
10. Learn to hold your own hand.
9. Accept your physical appearance.
8. Keep your cool.
7. Vent in a positive way.
6. Speak kindly of yourself.
5. Be brave.
4. Learn to calm yourself.
3. Listen to music.
2. Make the most of every opportunity.
1. Start fresh each day.
Image Source: jamalvy
The very notion of ‘self-improvement’ can often imply a deep dissatisfaction with ourselves and with life. This is rather unfortunate, because such an attitude can be pretty counterproductive if we want to change ourselves! Let’s first explain how accepting ourselves does not mean giving up on improving ourselves; in fact it makes the whole process of self improvement much more joyful:
- We Get To Set Our Own Standards For Self-improvement: Often we are unhappy because we judge ourselves by some unrealistic standard, which has often to do the expectations set by other people and society. By accepting some external guideline for what constitutes self-improvement, you are in effect comparing yourself to others. Accepting ourselves allows us to judge our self improvement not by criteria set by others, but by our own previous marks.
- We Get To Focus On The Positive: Often we spend so much time poring over our faults and failings that they occupy our entire mental space, leaving no room for us to appreciate our good qualities. By constantly ruminating on our weaknesses we give them a kind of power and we feel more and more helpless to overcome them. However by accepting yourself as you are, warts and all, you can then focus on increasing and expanding your good qualities – you will notice that your weaknesses will decrease in strength as well. Indeed, the most effective way of reducing your weaknesses is not by focusing on them, but by invoking its opposite positive quality instead.
- We Live In The Moment: Self acceptance means accepting whatever you did in the past, no matter how deplorable, is done and there is nothing you can do to change it now. Any time and energy spent wondering what might have been is therefore pointless. You have to start from where you are, here and now, at your current state of development, with what you have at your disposal.
- We Change Our Attitude To The World: A poor self image leads to problems relating to other people, and excessive time wondering how others perceive us. However if we are happy in our own skin, then we begin caring less about what people think about us, and more time caring about people.
So how do we go about cultivating a philosophy of self acceptance? Here are a few tips:
- Create Space To Acknowledge Your Good Qualities. Our mind often seems automatically geared to think of only the bad about ourselves, you have to consciously shift the focus to the good. Even a simple five minute daily exercise of writing down the good things you did (no matter how small), or positive thoughts and inspirations you have had helps enormously.
- Don’t Identify With The Mind. We often see our minds as the final arbiter over our behaviour, and take anything it tells us very seriously, especially when it tells us something bad about ourselves. However a practice of meditation can help you access a deeper part of your nature, and take your thoughts much less seriously.
- Compete With Yourself Rather Than Others. Whether it be work, sports or any other field of endeavour, try to set your challenges not so much as achieving a fixed goal or competing with others, but more about transcending your own personal best. This relieves the pressure of outside expectation, and you will get tremendous joy from knowing that you have gone beyond anything you have previously done.
Image Source: notbukataklat
We live in a time when we have more possessions, more opportunity and more alternatives than ever before. Just a few decades a go, people would have been awestruck by the prosperity that we have. Despite all this, people seem more stress out and unhappier than ever.
There really is no reason for people to be so discontent. For the most part, we get our basic needs covered and have steadily gained more freedom to express ourselves in our work and leisure time. If anything, we should be happier than ever.
In Norway we have a saying that goes “Excess wants more”. It basically means that when we have a lot, we tend to want even more. Instead of cherishing what we have, we constantly push for more. It is stressful and makes us unhappy. It’s time to do something about it.
There is a magic bullet that can help you instantly break out of this kind of mindset: gratitude. Every single one of us have countless reasons to be grateful. Most of the time we don’t think about these things, instead we focus on the things we wish were different, what we want to have more of, thing we want to improve.
There is nothing wrong with trying to better oneself or ones lot in life. There is however something wrong with being so obsessed with everything that can be better that we lose sight of all the things we have that are great.
The best way I know to stay in touch with all my blessings is to start the day off with a gratitude session. I usually do this on my way to work. It simply go through all the things in my life that I am grateful for and make sure I feel truly grateful for them. A simple exercise like this makes it virtually impossible to get a bad start to the day. Instead of starting the day off angry about not getting to sleep longer, or how terrible traffic is or the latest upsetting morning news, I start my day of in a great mood feeling grateful for the many blessings in my life.
The best part of starting the day of this way is that over time you condition your mind to always seek out things you are grateful for. When you feel yourself starting to be negative and feel down about something or someone make it a point to switch your thinking to something you are grateful for. You will find that focusing on the things you already have will make you a lot happier than thinking about all that you don’t have.